Top Signs Your Band Sucks ( and a song i wrote about it)

 

The nominees for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame class of 2013 were just announced.  To see why your band didn't make the cut, here are the Top Signs Your Band Sucks.

 

 

--Isn't it obvious?  Not enough cowbell!

 

 

--You treat the women who come backstage with the utmost dignity and respect.

 

 

--Your band depicts clowns.  Who are insane.  And travel in a posse.

 

 

--Critics have described you as "Bon Jovi without the talent."

 

 

--Your lead singer is Auto-Tune.

 

 

--You had to pay the annual town strawberry festival for the privilege of playing there.

 

 

--Taylor Swift has never written a song about your lead singer breaking up with her.

 

 

--After "We're Not Gonna Take It" and "I Wanna Rock", you're out of songs to play in concert.

 

 

--You firmly believe the biggest problem with Creed is the glaring lack of cloying ballads about God.

 

 

--You stress musicianship and talent over looks and image.  Never gonna work.

 

 

--You're a Night Ranger tribute band.  And also, you used to be in Night Ranger.

 

 

--Even though it would seemingly make for an interesting subject, you refuse to write any songs about the time you murdered your husband, Kurt Cobain.

 

 

--Your coolest member is your tuba player.

 

 

--The name of your band contains the word "Matchbox" or the number "20."

 

 

--People wave lighters in the air . . . because they're trying to set you on fire.

 

 

--There's only ever been one topless chick in your audience.  And it was your mom.