In the new movie, "Here Comes the Boom", Kevin James plays a teacher who moonlights as a Mixed Martial Arts fighter.  Think you're tough enough to make it in the octagon?  I don't think so.  Here are the Top Reasons You Wouldn't Make it as a Mixed Martial Arts Fighter.

--Well, based on this weekend's box office, you're Kevin James.

--You're supposed to wear an Affliction shirt.  But you're not a greased-up douchebag.

--The only person you've ever punched is your ex-girlfriend Rihanna.

--You're a liberal who believes all disputes should be settled by the United Nations.

--You can't handle recording the same song over and over again.  Sorry.  That's why you wouldn't make it as a FOO Fighter.

--The sight of blood makes you woozy.  And the sight of shirtless muscle-bound men makes you horny.

--Tight shorts accentuate the elephantitis in your right nut.

--You know of a simpler way to take down an opponent:  wait until he falls asleep and then set his bed on fire.

--You wrestled all the way through high school . . . with your gender.

--You're really, REALLY ticklish.

--The only things you like to mix is drinking and driving.

--You're more of a mixed MARITAL arts fighter.

--You think 'tapping out' is something you do when you can't remember your safe-word.

--Because you're one of those weak nerds who went to college and has a decent job.  Ha!  NERD!

--The only thing Brazilian you ever practice is waxing.

--You think "Muay Thai" is something served on a wooden skewer with peanut sauce.

--The only Asian things you like to mix together are Chop Suey and Chow Mein.

--Your sparring partners keep quitting, because every time they get you in a "clinch," you won't stop whispering in their ear about how you wish the embrace would NEVER end.

--You've never wrestled.  Unless you count those drunken nights with your naked frat brothers.

--You prefer to fight not with violence . . . but with strongly-worded emails.