This is in my kitchen, I found the list below and it's on it, come to think of it, a few of these are...hmm - DJ
THINGS A GROWN MAN SHOULD NEVER HAVE
- A black eye - You're smart enough to talk your way out of any fight you're going to lose.
- A witty e-mail signature. Don't let your electronic correspondence become the digital version of a motivation poster.
- An empty refrigerator. Always aim to be ready to create an on-the-fly, three course dinner for her along with breakfast in bed.
- PlayStation thumb. When they're relaxing, grown men can behave like children. But if you devolve long enough to cause calluses or button-shaped bruises, you're assuredly missing out on life.
- A key chain with a bottle opener.
- A lucky shirt. Every shirt is lucky when worn by a man who knows that the harder he works the luckier he'll be.
- An unstamped passport.
- Olympic dreams.
- Less than $20 in his wallet. A real man should always carry a business card and enough dough to pick up coffee, bagels, and the Sunday paper without whipping out the plastic.
- A name for his "male member."
- Any beer that costs less than $20 a case.
- The need to quote The Big Lebowski, Caddyshack, or Superbad. Reciting someone else's lines reminds people that you haven't the wit to write your own.
- A futon. Sure, beds are for sleeping. But such a meager, slouchy spread has never, in the history of sex, inspired a woman to say, "Take me on your futon."
- Code words for ugly women. Actually, code words for anything.
- A Nerf hoop in.
- A secret handshake.
- Drinking glasses with logos.
- A recent story with the phrase "So I said to the cop..."
