Photo: Flickr user Claudio Matsuoka

A quick recap, for those who might have missed out. A frat guy from Tennessee ended up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning after he did something called "butt chugging". Allegedly.

Now, his lawyer is saying that HE'S NOT GAY, and that he chugged a sh*tton of boxed wine the old-fashioned way, via his mouth. Not his butt.

A) I don't believe you, kid. You know you stuck that cheap wine straight up your bum. (Fine, maybe you didn't. But I bet you'd do it for $100.)

C) No one ever said a thing about your sexuality. No one cares about that. You can have Kim Kardashian posters or Ryan Gosling posters on your dorm wall. No me importa. The story made news because WE THOUGHT YOU PUT WINE UP YOUR BUTT. The idea that you might be gay should not be more horrifying to you than the idea that the entire nation is laughing at you for putting wine up your butt. Priorities... you need 'em.