What I Do, Fun-wise: The internet is my playground. (Thank you, Al Gore.) I spend a lot of time on it, blogging, reading news/gossip sites, chatting with people, what-have-you. I also make a lot of unnecessary trips to Target. Not sure if that counts as fun, but it seems to take up a lot of my time... And I foster dogs for a rescue organization (RED Collar Rescue).
My Motto: "Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, Nothing is going to get better. It's not." - Dr. Suess, 'The Lorax'
My Anti-Motto: It is what it is.
The First Star I Ever Had A Crush On: Michael Jackson or Boy George. Not sure which came first.
My "celebs to make out with" list: Keanu Reeves, Kal Penn, James McAvoy, Gale Harold, Jacoby Shaddix (sorry to Jacoby's wife!)
The Last Song Played On My iTunes: "Devil" by Say Hi
Weekends and other shifts that the rest of the staff have deemed "undesirable."
Gawker - Today's gossip is tomorrow's news.
DListed - Celeb gossip by the wicked Michael K.
Passive Aggressive Notes - Self explanatory
Jezebel - Celebrity, sex, fashion for women. Without airbrushing.
XOJane - Remember Sassy magazine? This is the brainchild of the editor.
Dictionary.com - Because there, their, and they're are really, really tricky. Apparently.
The list is REALLY LONG. I don't want to bore you with a wall of douche-based text, so here's a look at celebs who this guy would NOT be willing to date. If you can find a woman who a) fits his criteria and b) is willing to put up with an epic level of douchebaggery, he'll pay you a $1500 finders fee. Because douchebag.
He won't date anyone who is overweight, ruling out the beauties like Christina Hendricks. (Seriously, his cutoff is a number I haven't been below since high school. Dream on, buddy.)
He won't date anyone who is black. Sorry to women like Kerry Washington. But it's ok because he's not a racist! He has black friends! He just wouldn't stick it in 'em because EW.
He won't date a woman with short hair. No pixie cuts, not even if you're Michelle Williams.
He won't date a woman who wears glasses, so Manic Pixie Dream Girls, hipsters, and people who need corrective lenses regardless of your sartorial choices? You're out.
He won't date a woman who's given birth because that leaves stretch marks and because childbirth "makes their vagina looser". (Say that to January Jones' face, dude. I dare you.)
He won't date anyone with tattoos, which rules out nearly 25% of all women.
And that is not even close to the entire list, but you get the point.
I think this is probably the lady he's looking for, which is perfect... because she is probably the only one who would have him.
Photos: Getty Images